Personal Dork Assistant

Passing On

Grandfather finally died. In his sleep, I think. It was a matter of time, really, and he's probably better off for it. The strokes were debilitating and the diabetes didn't help. Glad to have been back to see him once last-last summer, even if he didn't recognize me and I couldn't really talk to him anyway since I spoke zippo Taiwanese. Not really significant in the greater scheme, though. EVA Air is probably the primary beneficiary of his passing, as the entire extended family scrambles for trans-Pacific plane tickets during a blackout period. Mom browbeat her travel agent into three tickets for the rest of us, even getting Sam from Houston into SFO just in time to catch the same flight to TPE as Dad and I, thanks to EVA's code-share agreement with Continental. The whole thing is going to be crazy. There will be the cousins that we've... never, seen, and that's just the immediate family. At least it won't be that hot, which just means that it'll rain a lot. Means I'll be missing out on GenCon SoCal, but it was looking to be a pretty lackluster event anyway, even with a Magic Grand Prix mixed in. My poor parsley plant is probably doomed to die, too, as I'll have to fly and won't be able to and take it home with me in the car. I feel bad for the live-in nurse, too. She's a nice lady. Although it might not be a bad idea to keep someone around full-time to look after grandma.

An Apt Comparison

Got up at home this morning and decided to do a Berkeley yuppie breakfast run. Went down Arlington to Peets for a half pound of the Holiday Blend, then went down Cedar St. to Acme Bread for baked carbohydrates, and went back up San Pablo to stop by at Trader Joe's for some half-and-half. Apparently I wasn't the only one with the idea, since the lines were practically out the door at all the places. Acme's storefront only accomodates one group at a time, with an admonishing sign on the door to keep it closed, so the line stands outside in the brisk wind. By the time I got to the front of the line, they were already out of the apple tarts and ham-and-cheese croissants that I wanted. I guess 10am is a little late for the breakfast pastries, but who eats ham-and-cheese for breakfast? It's like Communism without the perks.

Faith In Humanity

JBidwatcher is a nice free program for tracking and sniping EBay auctions. Sure, it's ugly under MacOS X and slow, due to its Java-ness, but it works and it's free. Unfortunately, it doesn't display the detailed descriptions. Yeah, I should've checked it out in the browser window first, but time was running out and I needed to enter a bid. So I didn't find out why the Exalted Angels were (relatively) cheap until I'd won the auction. Turned out the dude was in Mexico. Was wary about sending $$$ to (literally!) a random Mexican for cardboard, but too late to back out now. PayPal'ed the money off and hoped for the best. Didn't hear or get anything for two weeks and I was ready to count the money as a lost cause. Finally get an e-mail saying that he was out of town during the time. Finally got the cards a week and a half later with a note asking for positive feedback. Yeah whatever.

I'd also got some Dawn Elementals via EBay (from the Phillipines, no less), but White Weenie just isn't a viable strategy when white control decks run 7-10 Wrath effects and there's no Armaggedon to slow them down. Decided to build B/G because I had an Oversold Cemetary, which was one more rare than I had for Goblins, plus I get some use out of my signed Phyrexian Plaguelords and black-bordered Birds. Got the rest of the Cemetaries plus another Baloth on Saturday, just in time to finish up the deck for Don's Sunday Type 2 at Balboa Park.

Don's just about the nicest dealer around. He's usually right in line with the EBay prices, with the bonuses of instant gratification and no S/H costs. He's also one of the few dealers who carries commons, which is great for someone like me who didn't buy into the last few sets. Unfortunately, his low prices also means that he often sells out of the good stuff. Could've used one more Baloth, but they were already spoken for. Luckily nobody was running Goblins, and it gave me another slot for random jank like Elf Replica. Had to trade away my Glimmervoid for a (albeitly foil) Caller Of The Claw, but I wasn't close to building an Affinity deck anyway. Really could've used another Caller, too. Thought about going U/W instead, now that I had all the necessary rares, but Don was all out of Rewinds, and you can hardly play U/W without the counters. It might be harder to find the common than the rares!

First round was against a regular playing a sub-optimal black Cleric deck. It was actually not a great matchup for me since my black creature-kill do nothing against his black critters, and Rotlung Reanimators turned them all into two for the price of one deals. The ground got stalled in the first game, my beasty Baloths and Vine Trellises against his Clerics and Zombies. I got the combo rolling though, as Plaguelords + cannon fodder eliminated his creatures, Cemetary brought more fodder back, and Fallen Angel flew over to win. He got his combo in the second, as he converted three Clerics into a Scion of Darkness which stomped me. I rolled him in the third with an early Persecute followed by Trolls and Baloths.

Went up against R/G land destruction, which is the flavor-of-the-month around here (hence the run on Baloths). He mulliganed, but I kept a five-land hand without much gas, so the LD didn't bother me much, but his Baloths and Molder Slugs sure did. I kept chump-blocking, but I never did get a Cemetary to start recycling (he had Creeping Molds anyway). Had a chance in the second game as I played first and had a Trellis to accelerate into a third-turn Persecute. Made a monumental mistake and called Green instead of Red. I was worried about big creatures and Plow Unders, but I had Terrors and Nekrataals in the deck for creature kill and enough game in my hand to survive the Plow. Sure enough, he only had one green card, but a clutch of red LD spells plus Starstorm. So he wrecks all my black mana, Starstorms my green critters away, and whips me while my black beef rots in my hand. That's what happens when you go to a tournament to play a deck for the very first time.

Third round was a counter-heavy version of Affinity (Asserts and Overrides, no Frogmites). Both of us start slow first game, as I had to beat him down with a Wirewood Herald. But he was building up thc artifact count, and soon he was dropping 8/8 Broodstars with plenty of mana left over to counter my Neks and Cemetaries. I brought in my full package of Disench... errr... Naturalizes and another Viridian Shaman to stop that nonsense. Had two Naturalizes and a Shaman in hand to open the second game, so I went LD with a second-turn Naturalize on his artifact Land. That wrecked him as he was stuck on a Vault of Whispers which didn't help him much, and definitely was no help after I dropped Glissa who ate it, too. His draw was just ass for the third game, as I dropped Baloths and Trolls for the beatings and he had no game at all.

Alright, that was a little lucky, but I'll take luck over skill anytime. Four rounds cut to top-four, so this was for the marbles. It was against one of the good teenagers who usually play solid decks. I may be a little biased in this case, since he was playing the same deck I was. Not quite identical, though. He had signed Cemetaries, I had signed Plaguelords. He had all-foil lands, I had black-bordered Birds. He was running Molder Slugs, I had Nekrataals. He presumably had four Baloths, I had to play with three, but I could squeeze in the Elf Replica. Basically, I was perfectly set up for the mirror match. When our Wirewood Heralds mutualed, all he could get was another Herald, while I whipped out the Replica. The Replica ate his Cemetary, the Nekrataal killed his Slug, and I still have my Cemetary in play to recycle both guys as necessary. I figured I'd still have an edge the second game, as I could bring in Naturalizes and a Withered Wretch (could've used another couple of these guys, too, but Don was out). Neither of us did much for a while, but then he busted out Visara. I'd sided out my Oblivion Stones, oops. Black flying 5/5 creature-killing beatstick = scoop for me. Put the Stones back for the third, including the extra sideboarded one. He must've sided out his artifact kill, as I was able to get out an early Stone and save my Cemetary and Plaguelord with Fate counters while blowing up his side of the board after he dropped the Visara. The Fallen Angel could fly over his guys and I had enough chumps to sack for the win.

Us top-four guys were happy to skip the playoffs and split the prize money. The $15 went right back to Don for more cards anyway, so it's all profit to him. Almost have all the cards I need. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty weak excuse.

I'm Your Worst Nightmare

If you're a BestBuy customer service guy, that is. Dropped in to pick up a copy of the LotR Extended Edition DVD, and a GameBoy Player as well. Here's the hoops I jumped through to complete the transaction.

• Scan the Reward Zone card first. Sometimes I can't dig out the card until the cashier was already done scanning the goods and he has to call a manager over to void the transaction and start all over again to include the Reward card.
• Price-match Fry's prices on the DVDs. Hey, it's a buck.
• Stand around and wait while the dude goes off and search for a manager to approve the match. Apparently they're not suppose to price-match "One-item per customer" deals. Yeah, whatever, like I haven't done the same thing ten times before.
• He comes back and gives me the discount "just this one time" because he couldn't find the manager(?). At least he put the discount directly into the register instead of filling out a hand-written form in triplicate like previous price-matches.
• Was going to make them price-match Fry's on the GameBoy Player, too, but it turned out that they were already matching the discount. Toss in the $5-off coupon from the back of the Gamer's Gift Card, too.
• Don't forget the Gamer's Gift Card itself. I only put a buck on it because I bought it for the coupon in the package, but hey, it's a buck.
• Why's he grabbing a regular gift card? Oh, I get a $10 gift certificate, too? Not really sure why (turns out there was a $10 GC for $75 gaming purchase offer), but I'll take it.

If Best Buy were more timely at sending out Reward Zone certificates I could've stacked another coupon or two on top of that.

Just remember, it's not how much you spend, it's how much you save. The tenet is the basis of American consumerism, subverting Puritanical thriftiness to justify the gluttony. Isn't it great?

Warming Up The Stoves

Brian Sabean got a jump on defending his Executive Of The Year title at the Winter Meetings, picking up an All-Star catcher for (as usual) a bunch of pitching prospects. Trading away your best right-handed reliever and two brightest pitching prospects (who are the top prospects because he already traded away the top-top guys during the season) when you already have a solid and cheap guy at catcher isn't a huge win at first glance, but Sabean has an almost impeccable record in trades. So he gets the benefit of the doubt for now. Good thing, too, since they haven't exactly done much to develop in-house talent, especially on the offensive side.

On the flipside (of the Bay), Beane's been hard at work sticking fingers in the dike trying to plug the holes while fitting everything under budget. He's already traded his best pitcher (for the last half of the season, anyway) for a reasonably young (i.e. cheap) outfielder with good on-base skills and a little pop. Still working on trading his All-Star Catcher just so he can have the privilege of dumping Terence Long and his contract to the Padres for their own underperforming outfielder (or maybe I'm just bitter because we kept Kotsay on our fantasy roster for 90% of the season as I kept trying to convince Sam that he'll come around once his back healed and he never did). Still being held up by the money and a MRI report on Kotsay's back, but it's done in principle. Not a win on talent, but it's good for financial flexibility and Beane's selling high and buying low.

Whatever you may think of these moves. At least they're defensibly intelligent acts based on a building principle (Giants: win now before God stops playing on your team, A's: save pennies for Chavy and Huddy). Compare to the other moves made during this time period:

Houston
Signed C Brad Ausmus to a 2-year contract, re-signed IF Jose Vizcaino to a 1-year contract worth $1.2 million.

After trading their awesome closer to free up money, this is what they do with it? José was an adequate placeholder IF when he was with the Giants, and that was seven years ago. Ausmus was by far the worst-hitting regular catcher in MLB last year, and catchers aren't known for improving with age, either.

Seattle
Signed Raul Ibañez to a 3-year deal in the neighborhood of $13 million.

"Normally, a corner outfielder entering in his 30s with a career high OPS+ of 116, a career OPS+ of 99 [ed: OPS+ of 100 is average], and is an A-type free agent wouldn't merit a lot of consideration for a team that's interested in things like winning. That doesn't apply to the Mariners, apparently, who just couldn't *wait* for the opportunity to downgrade the outfield defense, the outfield offense (Ibanez has been better than Cameron offensively exactly one time in his career and even that was close), give up a first-round draft pick, and spend more than $4 million in one fell swoop."

Thank you for that excellent summary, oh wise Transaction Oracle.

In other news: Dodgers re-signed Tom Martin, Red Sox re-signed Mike Timlin, Toronto signed Pat Hentgen, and Tampa Bay went out and got Paul Abbot and John Halama.

All in all, I think our guys come out looking pretty good in comparison.

Marketing Backfire

In the Fry's ad today: The Coolermaster Jet 7.

• New Jet Blower Design
• Resembles a Jet Engine with Front & Back L.E.D.
• Support Athlon^TM 3200+ and Up

Now, I'm all for the gratuitous use of LEDs, but of all things to model your computer heatsink/fan after, a jet engine is possibly the worst choice imaginable. Unless you're trying to launch your computer off the deck, or something. A jet engine is known for being hot and loud, which are the exact qualities that you don't want for your CPU's heatsink. Unfortunately, the Jet 7 emulates its namesake a little too well. I'll stick with Zalman coolers, thanks.

Be Careful

What everyone wanted for the new-new economy was a solid base of low taxes, low inflation, low interest rates, high productivity, and globalized trade. Well, here it is: The You-Asked-For-It Economy. Sure, goods are cheaper thanks to more efficient processes and cheap overseas labor, but that's not helpful to the people who can't pay when they can't find jobs and companies who can't show growth when they have no pricing power. Say what you will about WalMart's business practices, but they know their customers' spending habits:

He said the holiday season would be "better than the last" but said customers continued to buy the lowest-priced items, a sign that household budgets remain tight.

Scott also said many customers were waiting for mid-month paychecks to arrive before shopping, which he called an indication of consumers' "liquidity issues."

What a CFO calls a "liquidity issue" most of us would call "flat broke." Hard to imagine anyone enjoying life living paycheck-to-paycheck buying the cheapest crap they sell at WalMart.

So where's all that cheap stuff coming from? Elsewhere, mostly.

America's trade deficit with China reached a record $12.7 billion in September as imports totaled $14.8 billion, an all-time monthly high.

You do the math there. Not that I have anything against cheaper stuff, but it's getting almost ridiculous. Wandered into WalMart and saw a hand-mixer for $6.99. Six dollars and ninety-nine cents! Sure, the motor is probably a wimpy piece-of-crap, and I'm not sure exactly what I'd do with a hand-mixer anyway. I thought about it for a second, though. I mean, for $6.99 it's almost worth it just to make fresh whipped cream. And let's not get started about how it might be cheaper to just buy a new air purifier instead of finding a filter for the old one.

Also along the You-Asked-For-It line, Arnold starts his new job today, Congress gets ready to stick the Energy Bill up the collective rectum of the citizenry, just as they dangle the carrot of Medicare drug coverage. Because we're all for smaller government.

Nobody More Deserving

"New Mets superscout Bill Singer" is just about to be booted after getting drunk and spouting off racial remarks to Kim Ng at the baseball Winter Meeting. The guy was hired for his supposed knowledge of Pacific Rim baseball.

"I'm from Indiana," Ng said, referring to her birthplace. She was raised in Ridgewood, N.J.

"No, where are you from?" Singer asked.

"My family is originally from China," Ng said.

Singer then allegedly started speaking gibberish, making fun of Chinese - which led Cashman to act, sources said. Cashman declined to comment.

He might've even gotten away with it in the good old days, when Chinese chicks in Arizona were more likely to be bar hostesses than baseball employees, but it's not the good old days anymore (thank goodness). Ms. Ng isn't just any baseball employee, either, but the Assistant GM of the Dodgers (one of the youngest in baseball), in charge of contracts and personnel moves. Plus the fact that Brian Cashman (she used to work for the Yankees) was there and apparently saw the whole thing, and the Mets pretty much had no choice but to string up Mr. Singer on a rope to avoid losing face publically in New York and privately among the GM's that they have to do business with.

Righteous indignation aside, how hot is it to have a Chinese woman who knows the waiver rules cold? Too bad she's a Yankees fan working for the Dodgers. It would never work.

Sunday Coupons

The inevitable march of shaving progress and capitalistic competition has led from the Gillette Mach3 to the Schick Quattro. I don't know how they can make a four-bladed razor head swing around the chin smoothly, but they're willing to give away a free razor (after a freakin' mail-in rebate, blah) for me to find out.

A full-page ad/coupon for Fruit₂O: The #1 selling flavored water in America. All the artificial flavors, none of the calories! I guess it's suppose to appeal to soda-addicted Atkins freaks.

Now I can buy a "sweet" drink and enjoy it without sacrificing my insulin intake or affecting my ketosis. Thank you Fruit₂O!

Sandra L. — FL

I've been using Palmolive dish-soap forever, partly out of brand-loyalty (bolstered by the occasional coupon), partially out of dull inertia, and mostly because one large bottle lasts me just about forever, thanks to the dishwasher alternative. The bottle does get slippery and funky with soapy drippings over the months and years, but now there's a clean and convenient alternative. The (New!) Palmolive Dishwipes are triple-layered disposable cloths infused with Palmolive dish detergent. Just wet to get the sudsy goodness going, wipe down your dishes, then throw away (the cloth, not the dishes). If that was too complicated for you, here's a product demonstration video. Note the last step. Don't forget to throw it in the trash when you're done!

The Jayhawks

Was flipping through the channels when I caught a clip on the County Television Network (i.e. public-access) of them performing in-studio at KPRI. Hadn't realized that my just about favorite band also happened to be some of the ugliest mofos in music. Sure, alt.country isn't suppose to be about glam, but yikes. Anyway, maybe I should just be glad that anyone on radio even play them at all.

Random Sports Roundup

Just from weekends spent in front of the tube, it seems to me that kicking is becoming a bit of a lost art in football. Heck, missed field goals are pratically a tradition in some parts of the country. Looks like the kicker drought is trickling down to the high school level, as half the teams in the Alameda-Contra Costa Athletic League are carrying female kickers. At that level it's probably more about the technique than pure leg strength anyway.

Talk about girls kicking balls, the Women's NCAA Soccer Tournament starts this week. Kind of a bummer that Stanford has to play Santa Clara in the very first round, and potentially run into Portland in the round-of-16. Just another case of the Western region getting screwed in tournament seeding.

Not that I care all that much about tournament seedings, unlike some other folks. I mean, I love Bracketology as much as anybody, but isn't picking a tournament bracket before the season even starts a little premature?

The Rangers are going to need another attraction at the ballpark if they decide to trade away Alex Rodriguez. How about a visit to the George W. Bush Presidential Library? Make your own joke, it's so easy.

If You Didn't Know

Just in case you weren't aware how whitebread Apple users are, here are the artists featured on the Top-10 Albums of the day on the iTunes Music Store:

1. Sarah
2. The Strokes
3. Sarah
4. Dido
5. R.E.M.
6. No Doubt
7. Jars of Clay
8. Sting
9. Jet
10. Barenaked Ladies

So much for the indie invasion. Yes, Yo La Tengo is available, but no The Sounds of the Sounds of Science. At least the CD is available for direct sale now.

Yeah, That'll Work

Ripped from the (RSS) headlines:

• General Warns Iraqis Attacks Must Stop

  Abizaid pointed to Fallujah, one of the main towns in the Sunni Triangle, as a "hot area" and warned that if the city refuses to cooperate "in the rebuilding process," there "might be another policy," Fallujah Mayor Taha Bedawi told The Associated Press.

  Would love to see what another policy the Pentagon's drawn up.
• Kerry Fires Campaign Boss to Aid White House Bid

  Democratic White House contender John Kerry, struggling to invigorate his lagging campaign, said on Monday he had fired his campaign manager and replaced him with a veteran Democratic operative.

  Yeah, because veteran Democratic operatives have been really successful in getting people elected (they just don't happen to be Democrats).

Effective Promotion

Ended up at McDonalds for the Monopoly game-piece/Best Buy coupon. Of course, as I pull up to the drive-thru speaker I find out that they're sold out of the fry containers with the game pieces. Looks like I wasn't the only sucker. Thought about blowing through the drive-thru and head to In-n-Out, but it was getting late and I was hungry. I usually get the McChicken combo meal, but upon further study, the Crispy Chicken combo meal is only a dollar more even though the Crispy Chicken Sandwich by itself costs two bucks more than a McChicken. As I said, I was hungry, so what the hell. Although it does give you an idea of the profit margin on the fries+Coke in that they can punt a buck on the chicken sandwich and still come out ahead. If you couldn't tell, there was a litle bit of a wait in the drive-thru lane. To be efficient I should just get the McChicken by itself and drink my own soda, but the fries are about the only redeeming reason to go to Mickey D's in the first place. I guess I'll have to get my Best Buy coupons the old-fashioned way.

Magical Mystery Tour

Friday

Hit the Wizard of the Coast store in Mission Valley for Friday Night Magic and some more Mirrodin sealed action. Even with lighter post-fire traffic, I barely made it to Mission Valley in time. My red cards were real good, with Spikeshot and Megatog leading the way. Green had a bunch of Tel-Jilad dudes, but I had to go with the blue for a Hoverguard, a Neurok Spy, and the Annul. Didn't help that green didn't have any artifact destruction. 10 people playing, four rounds of Swiss, top-three get prizes.

I had both Shatter and Annul in my opening hand first game first round. My opponent kept counting his mana the whole game, so I kept holding back the Annul and a blue mana just in case. I was controlling the board with my Spikeshot Goblin and removal spells like Electrostatic Bolt and Pyrite Spellbomb as I ramped up the mana to cast Ogres and Clockworks. His Flayed Nim held the ground and a Shrapnel Blast to the dome hurt me. Finally he made his big move: Bosh, Iron Golem. Um... no. The Annul wrecked him and the Hoverguard finished him off in the air. Second game timed out as he had a slight, slight board advantage but wasn't going to come close to killing me in the extra five turns. Second round opponent busted out the Plated Slagwurm the first game. I busted right back with the Megatog with plenty of artifacts in play. I alpha-striked with the team and sacked the artifacts to the Megatog for just enough damage even with the 8/8 Slagwurm blocking the trampling Megatog. We timed out again in the second game, just as he played the Slagwurm. I could've stalled him out at the five-minute warning if I tried, but hey it's FNM (a K-8 tournament) for fuck's sake. I'd been playing mono-red the whole game, but almost was okay. He had three extra turns to kill me. I had one blocker on the board and needed to draw two more chumps for the Slagwurm, or an Island to play the blue chump in my hand. At least 12 outs left in a 25-card deck and I drew dead. Oh well, I stole the first game anyway as I just happened to have the Annul for his Pentavus, which would've won him game one.

Rolled my third opponent, even though he did manage to Soul Nova my Neurok Spy with Vulshok Gauntlets. Deciding move was the clutch Aether Spellbomb to bounce his blocker and swarm him under the weenie rush. Got whipped last round by a superior deck. As an 8/8, flying Skyhunter Cub wielding the Sword of Khaldra finished me off quickly first game. In the second game he got his Spikeshot, Megatog, and Leonine Sun-Standard while I got three land. Three bomb rares, plus good doubles like Spikeshot and Bolt. Whatever. At least I didn't play the guy who had three Terrors and three Arrests. No prizes for 2-1-1, but did buy a Chrome Mox that my last opponent pulled. Beats paying dealer prices.

Saturday

Got up early and drove up to Costa Mesa for another Pro Tour Amsterdam Qualifier. Stopped by at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf store right off the 55 on the way to the Women's Club for a vanilla latte and a bear claw. Went with the red-blue plan (i.e. Spikeshot, Shatter, and fliers), with Mirror Golem and Pentavus as bombs, and a splash of black for Terror and Nim Shrieker. Ran into a buzzsaw in the first round. He used Forge Armor to sacrifice his Solemn Simulacrum to give his Spikeshot Goblin +4/+4, and drew a card in the process. A five-point pinger is pretty vicious. He Forged with the Simulacrum again in the second game, but I pulled it out with a Grab the Reins and a clutch Pentavus to stop his incoming Plated Slagwurm and fly in for the win. In the third game, he found a bolt to kill my Hoverguard, just in time to have the mana to cast Plated Slagwurm and an out-of-control Myr Prototype. That was too much beef for me to stop.

Rolled in the first game of second round. Yotian Soldier, Somber Hoverguard, equipped by a Leonine Scimitar punched through for the early damage. Just when he stabilized by killing the Hoverguard with an Archer enhanced by Predator's Strike, I busted the Mirror Golem, who walked in for the last few hits with Protection From Creatures. Had to mulligan to five in the second game, and his 1/1 Shaman smacked me down equipped with a Fireshrieker. Double-strike isn't too bad when it's only two points a turn, but I had to shatter the Shrieker when he played Fist of the Anvil, which would've been 10 upside the head. Built up enough mana to play the Pentavus to dominate the board, but he played a Tower of Eons with just enough mana to activate next turn for 10 life a turn. Ripped the Shatter off the top to end his hopes and dreams right there.

In the third round, my opponent got mana-screwed in the first game. To add insult to injury, I won with a Mirror Golem imprinted with a Looming Hoverguard that he had to discard. Had a great start in the second game with two mana-Myrs, a Scimitar, an artifact land, and a Nim Shrieker to take advantage of all my artifacts on the board. He had the bolt, though. So much for that. He wore me down with removal and a Hoverguard that I couldn't stop. Ran out of time in the third game when I had him down to five life with Spikeshot and Vulshok Gauntlets sitting at the top of my deck. Grrr.

In the fourth round, I ran into a good player with a good deck who's had terrible luck. He took a total of two points of damage in the whole match. Didn't help that I couldn't get more than four land in either game. Wasn't too happy going into the next round, and the first game didn't exactly cheer me up, as a Leonine Den-Guard equipped with three pieces of equipment made for a 7/7 untargetable attacker that didn't tap to attack. Couldn't find anything more than chump-blockers for that monstrosity. Second game went the opposite way as he had to mulligan and I rushed out with Myrs and a heavy-hitting Nim Shrieker. He couldn't draw mana and when he did play a blocker I stole it and threw it at him with Grab the Reins to end the game. Third game didn't go much better for him, as I was fast out of the gate with second-turn Gauntlets, third-turn Yotian Soldier (a tasty combo with the Gauntlets), and fourth-turn Spikeshot Goblin. I had the mana to attack with the equipped Yotian, move the Gauntlets to the Spikeshot for a five-point ping, then switch back to the Yotian so the Spikeshot could untap next turn. Five-point pings and five-point attacks ended the game quickly.

So if I could win the last round, I'd end the day over .500, pretty good for a PTQ. Ran up against a Caltech math grad student playing his first PTQ. First game went well as I rolled him with Pentavus and Mirror Golem. But he got the Den-Guard + Gauntlets combo in games two and three and I just couldn't answer in time. Losing to a grad turkey to end the day. Sucks.

We finished right around 6:15. Was just about to head out the door when I ran into Christa. She'd brought cake. Yep, Andrea's still in Finland. Wow, she has a baby now. Couldn't take the cake, since I was suppose to go down to Irvine to have dinner the uncle. Installed the Google Toolbar as a popup-blocker and set up the scanning options on their HP multi-function machine, while I was at it.

Sunday

It was a long drive back to San Diego after already sitting on my ass for most of the day, but I got away relatively early so it wasn't hideously late when I got back. Skipped the Sunday morning farmers' market to finish up the deck for my first Type 2 tournament in 3.5 years. My white-weenie deck was pretty much set in the main deck, but I kinda threw together a sideboard since I had no idea what the environment was going to be like. Got off to a good start when my opponent was land short and only managed to kill a land before I rolled him with (beta) Savannah Lion and friends. Thought he was red-LD and sided appropriately. Turned out that he only had the one random LD spell in the deck, and he busted out the Sulfuric Vortex in the second game and he outraced my creatures with Vortex + burn. He surprised me again in the third game by busting out the Ensnaring Bridge, but he was stuck on three land with six cards in hand and I killed him before he recovered. The Bridge would've totally hosed me if he was able to drop his hand. Better lucky than good.

Second round was a more conventional R/G LD-beasts-control. Got around his early Vine Trellises first game with a Suntail Hawk wielding three Bonesplitters. I was land-short in the second game, but I had one and two-drops as I drew just enough land to stay ahead of his LD, while he was mana flooded without much gas. Didn't overextend vs. Starstorms and pecked him down 1-2 points at a time with Hawks and Lions.

My third-round opponent led with a Swamp and Blackmailed me. I had two lands, Glorious Anthem, and White and Silver Knights. Had to show him three cards that he could choose one to discard. With the Swamp on the table, I showed the two lands plus Silver Knight, which he dumped. Of course, it turned out that he was playing B/R discard-burn, and the pro-red knight would've been much more useful against his burn removal. The discard was annoying but not fatal until he dropped the Lavaborn Muse. 3/3 attacker plus three more damage from the low hand-count locked me up. Second and third games played more to form, as my fast protection weenies outraced his early discard and slower spells. He didn't like the Mask of Memory, either.

3-0 is a pretty good way to get back into the swing of things. Ran into the other 3-0 player, though, who happened to be one of the top-rated players in the World, mostly by beating us scrubs in local tournaments, a point or two at a time. He was playing a similar R/G deck to the guy in round-two, and I beat him the same way in the first game, flying over him with equipped weenies. But whereas the second-round guy sided in Shocks, he sided in Pyroclasms, which was a big problem. Couldn't quite find the Anthems to take my guys out of 'clasm range, and Second Sunrise wasn't a great play vs. his board sweepers when he could sack his Ravenous Baloths for life and have them come right back, too. In the end, it was the Molder Slugs that kicked my ass, eating up the Equipment and a 4/6 body that I couldn't outrace. Really could've used another Dawn Elemental in my deck as she was an MVP all day. The dealer didn't have any, though, so I had to stick a Tundra Wolf in the slot. Yuck.

Well, 3-1 still puts me in the top-4 anyway, and at least it means I won't have to play him again in the semis. Ran up against a kid playing the only control-ish deck in the field. He had a few white weenies, but backed up with Wraths and Angels. Ran into his maindecked Story Circle in the first game and we were in a standoff until he played the Exalted Angel with four Dragon Scales in the graveyard, which all came back onto the Angel to make her 8/15 with built-in Spirit Link. Sided in my Altar's Lights, but he had CoP: White (circle white? who the fuck plays circle white?), Worship, Wraths, and Oblivion Stones. All on the board at the same time. That was a little too much hate.

Monday

Went back the next night for their Monday-night draft. 15 people split into two draft pools. I picked up a good R/G deck with Icy, Bolt, Shatter, 2xDeconstruct, and Viridian Shaman. It's a little slow, no Spikeshot, and I had to go to two Clockwork Condors for flying power, but at least I had a Dragon Blood and a Forge Armor to replenish their +1/+1 counters. Lost to the good player's R/U/b deck with lots of artifacts and fliers in three games even though I probably had a better deck. Got steamrolled in the first game of the second round by equipped white weenies, and it wasn't looking good in the second game when he used Wurmskin Forger to give +3/+3 to a Skyhunter Patrol. I had the Clockwork Condor + Dragon Blood combo working, but the Patrol was 5/6 first-strike, plus he had two Soldier Replicas which could do another six damage after I block but before my creature deals damage. I was outnumbered on the ground, too, but I had a little more beef with my green creatures featuring regeneration. He was too cautious and held back with his monstrous Skyhunter even though I had to make my Condor x/12 before it could safely take out the Skyhunter + Replica team. Got the time to pump it up that high, which really locked the game up until I got my Mirror Golem, and the creature-protected golem walked in for the win. I got the speed-draw in the third game and rolled him. Third-round guy was playing mono-white. He'd get me down real fast real early but in the end he didn't quite have the gas to back it up and finish me off before I started dropping bombs. Highlight was the first game when he got me down to two life before I could stabilize with regenerating trolls on the ground and Blood-pumped Condor in the air. All I could do was to pump the Condor each turn until it got to 18/18 and I could throw it at him for the win with Grab the Reins.

Fourth round, I play a guy from the other draft pool. I thought they were suppose to be two separate tournaments. Oh well. Turned out he had the same deck as me, except he had all the good cards like double Fangren Hunters, double Archers, Spikeshot, and a Loxodon Warhammer to round things out. Cards that I never got to see because I was at the other draft table. That sucks. Held out for a long time with my Icy and Sun Droplet, but his deck was just way too much better. Blah.

Four Magic tournaments in four days and I bat barely over .500. So much for bumping my rating. Not sure if the entertainment value was worth the money spent, but now that I've bought the cards I might as well as play with them. This is starting to take time away from my 160GB Tivo, though. I don't think I'll be doing the weekend-binges anymore, considering that the next set of PTQs are Extended, and if the recent Pro Tour: New Orleans was any indication, Extended is a totally sick format right now.

Game 1

Nassif mulliganed his opening hand. On turn two, Schneiders played Damping Matrix, but Nassif countered it with Force Spike. He then untapped, played Talisman of Progress, and cast Mana Severance. Schneiders summoned Metalworker, and Nassif played Tinker. With three mana available, he was able to activate Goblin Charbelcher right away and win.

Nassif 1 - Schneiders 0

Jeff Cunningham, in another feature match- "Did you win?"

Nassif- "I got a decent draw."

Um, fuck that.

Hooray

uControl has been updated for Panther! It was driving me nuts that I couldn't use the Enter key on the TiBook keyboard as a right-Command key. Also brought back the trackpad-scrolling capability, which when combined with USB Overdrive allows my external thumb-mouse to do unnatural things. Now I'm considering tossing in SideTrack to add a scrolling region to the trackpad. Having three kernel extensions all banging on the trackpad may not be so good for system stability, though.

Wannabes

Does the term "dork" carry any substantive weight if people like Alicia Silverstone and Freddie Prinze Jr. lay claim to being (former) members of the club?

That dynamic is changing. These days, it's tough to find anybody who doesn't think they're a dork. Dork sensibility and "geek chic" have become so prevalent that even the least dorky have glommed on to the title -- not just because the digital revolution made heroes out of nerds everywhere, but because adopting the "nerd" label gives a certain street cred to everyone's early child development. Even if most of it is revisionist history.

If you have the inclination, but lack the skillz to get into dork/geek/hacker culture, don't worry, just wear the logo! As if the intent of the word hasn't already been perverted beyond recognition ("hackers too were affected by the collapse of socialism" wtf). Now we can have all the kiddies play along, too. For god's sake, if you want to be a hacker, shut up and hack already.