Personal Dork Assistant

You must be a (sports) nut, and/or employed by ESPN, if...

...you spent the weekend watching the NFL Draft. A quintessentially American breed of sports fan, who ignores the playoffs on hardwood and ice, the baseball season sprinting out of the gate, the Champions League showdowns across the pond, and instead fusses over an event planted squarely in the middle of the NFL off-season. A meat market with payoffs that won't show for months, if not years. Maybe I'm just more complacent about the draft, since the Niners usually don't draft very high, so their fresh beef don't get the hype of the opening picks.

As for the ESPN employees, there's always Mel Kiper Jr., the Santa Claus of the NFL Draft, who apparently really does take it all very seriously. Then there's the writers and columnists, who hype the event, but with the in-joke of corporate synergy hanging in the background:

It wasn�t so much the 16 hours I spent on the couch watching the two-day event (you could put a coroner�s chalk outline around the cushion imprint). No, the worst part was when I caught myself calling my wife a "great value pick." We got into an argument, and before I knew it I was yelling things such as, "Why can�t you be more like Suzy Kolber?" and, "If you really loved me, you�d style your hair like Mel�s."