Personal Dork Assistant

Hideki Matsui: Asian Hero

I knew there was a good reason we drafted him for the fantasy baseball team.

Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much.

...He drives a Chevy. He eats steak, has an occasional beer and likes to shoot the breeze with the security guards and maintenance personnel. And, of course, he likes to watch his much vaunted porno collection, tapes that he often trades with Japanese reporters.

Very Fox Mulder. Well, unless he decides to send some Japanese porn my way, I guess the 22 RBIs will have to do.