Personal Dork Assistant

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Why, you went to college-admission camp, didn't you? I don't remember it being this hard when I went through the process. Of course, I did take a short-cut by doing Early Decision, and I had a pretty good backup school in UC Berkeley via the Accelerated Program. And it looks like the alma mater has gotten more picky, as they now say not to even bother apply early if you don't have calculus and physics by the end of junior year. Still, does it really take $3K plus two weeks to write some college essays?

All three programs include preparation for the SAT, writing essays and guidance on college selection, interview tips and college visits. The Musiker program — $2,899 for 12 days at Northeastern University or Georgetown, offered in partnership with The Princeton Review — includes more college visits than the others. Bob Musiker, an executive director, said about 120 students had enrolled so far for 200 openings.

Let's face it, anyone who's dropping the bucks for these programs was going to get into someplace good anyway. I hope they weren't planning on the Claremont Colleges, though.

"This is just sick," said Bruce Poch, dean of admissions at Pomona College in California. "I can't imagine how it's going to help, and it sounds like such a ridiculous waste of money that it distresses me that parents would be so obsessive-compulsive."

A-fucking-men. If you couldn't slack your way into something, it wasn't worth doing anyway. Apparently cousin Alan only got 1100 on his (10th grade) PSAT. I think his chance to become a productive human being may be gone.