Personal Dork Assistant

What I Did On My Winter Vacation: Part 1

We went to Las Vegas for Christmas. It's sort of become a family tradition when we get together with a couple of uncles and their families for the holidays. The uncles are Vegas fiends from way back, but we never went until Sam and I got old enough to play. I feel bad for the underaged cousins. Especially Abby, who's the only girl, way younger than the rest of us, so she has nothing to do except go to CircusCircus with her mom, and has no one to talk to except us the really annoying relatives.

I'm glad the folks didn't drag us to Vegas when we were young. It would be so easy to hate everything Vegas stands for, even now, and even with comp room and food at the nicest hotel on the Strip plus free play money from the relatives. Skipping to the head of the buffet line was probably the best perk of all, although as Sam said, "It was hard to look the hungry little kids in the eye," as we walked by. Still, one can't help but notice the soulless machine lurking behind the fancy facade, from the mathematical advantage built into the games, to the little black camera domes in the roof, and the litany of Brands that populate the shopping emporia. However, there's something strangely democratic about a place that cares nothing about your appearance, race, age, or sex, as long as you had money and is willing to spend it.

Even with guilt-free money to lose as I choose, it's hard to make myself sit down and gamble, knowing the odds are stacked against me. I usually stick with Blackjack since the odds are almost fair, and I can play by the book and not feel too bad when I do lose. Apparently Sam's been playing lots of poker with his Stanford buddies and practicing online, too, so this time we spent a good deal of our time in the Mirage poker room playing $3-6 Hold 'Em. They made the poker rooms smoke-free, thank goodness. There aren't many card sharks lurking at our low-limit tables, not when the manager was gathering games with ten times the stakes. Nevertheless, I was ready to be lose my shirt since I've played only a handful of poker in my life, although I did read the handy poker primer that Sam had. Yeah, I lost, but I held out for quite a while, and I did get beat twice when the other guy got his card on the river. At least when you lose at poker, the person taking your money is right there looking you in the eye. Sam lost, too, and he was mad because he was expecting to do better. He was drawing dead, his opponents kept shit opening cards and got lucky flops, and so on. You know how that goes, especially in Vegas. Too bad we were there for Christmas, since there was no action at the Sports Book. In fact the Sports Book section was positively forlorn the whole time we were there. All those big screen TVs going to waste. So much for the only other Vegas game where skill might help.

On the other hand, maybe ignorance is bliss when it comes to this sort of thing, since my uncle always seem to manage to win money when we're there. At roulette, no less, which has the worst house odds of all. Anyway, it was nice to see the family. Ask about how the LED business is doing. I should learn the names of fancy cocktails so I can ask for them at the gaming tables. A pretty lady offers me free drinks and all I ask for is H2O. Lame.